centreshot

Losing my marbles one by one

2009-06-08T23:16:27Z

Struth, 22 weeks without an entry. I will explain why. The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with living alone or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few months ago I was pottering around, outside, cup of coffee in one hand, newspaper in the other deciding on the order of yard duties I was going to going to do that day. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.

The radio was on and I heard the voice of an older sounding chap with a tremendous clarity and golden voice. You know the kind, a bit like John Laws. He was telling to those listening something about a 'thousand marbles'. I was intrigued and sat to listen to what he had to say.

'Well John' he said, 'It sure sounds like you are busy with your job, with those long hours, your family spread around the globe, not being able to get away very often. Hard to believe a person has to work 80 to 90 hours a week with so little reward to keep someone else's business running. Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities'. And that's when he explained his theory of a thousand marbles.

'You see, one day I sat down and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives 75 years. I know, some live a little more, some a litttle less. Now then, I multiplied 75 by 52 and came up with 3,900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until I was 70 years old to think about this in any detail, and by that time I had lived through 3,640 Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to 75, I had only 260 Saturdays left to enjoy. So I went actually to three toy stores and bought 260 marbles and placed them into a clear plastic jar in the dining room. Every Saturday since then I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I have found that by watching the marbles diminish, I have focused on the really important things in life.

There's nothing like watching your time here on Earth run out to get your priorities straight. When all of the marbles are gone I figure each Saturday after that then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing that we can all use is, a little extra time.'

So what I planned to do that morning, I put off, bought 260 marbles, rang my brother and we met for lunch at Sailo's a local really good Club / Restaurant. Whilst I would dearly love to have my special friend here with me, I believe that it is better for me to have an empty space in my life, than an existance full of wrong substitutes, and look froward to Saturdays, may they come slowly....Centershot.

New Year - The real reason we pop our corks !

2008-12-30T22:27:42Z

On New Year's Eve are you ready to get insane ? Ready to sink 43 beers or wine cask of Lambrusco, come on to your sister in law and pass out in a garden bed ? Me too.With this most joyous time of rest and recreation again upon us, itseems only fitting to ponder the history of New Year's Eve and to remember that, as with so many things in life, it all comes down to a penis. Not just any penis mind you, but Jesus Christ's penis.

Yes it is true that the ancient Babylonian's celebrated New Year's Eve as far back as 2000 B.C. but their revelry was centered on the first new moon after the vernal equinox- the first day of the nothern spring. And yes it is true that the ancient Romans celebrated New Year's Eve but their festivities focused on March, the first month of the Roman calander. In 46 B.C. Julius Caesar changed the Roman New Year's Day to 1 January in honour of Janus, the God af all beginnings and gatekeeper of heaven and earth.

Janus was always depicted with two faces, one looking to the past and one looking to the future. But New Year's Eve still lacked a deeper purpose and the reason for being, some overarching theme that would invest the occasion with genuine gravitos and a sense of history.

Enter the Holy member Jesus Christ, as you may be aware, was born on 25 December according to Jewish tradition, his circumcision would have taken place on the eight day of his life, in other words 1 January. Having a perfect stranger slash off his foreskin with a piece of broken crockery probably wouldn't have struck the infant Jesus as a cause for celebration but the wider church community has, nonetheless, found in this a real reason to whoop it up, celebrating the Feast of Circumcision of Christ on 1 January.

But curiously enough, it wasn't always so. The ancient Romans initially choose to celebrate the New Year by being boring, with a day of prayer and fasting, making resolutions and talking to each other. So where did we get the tequila slammers and naked pool parties ? Well, it appears that somewhere along the line the Romans reverted to type and broke out the party togas, moving away from piety and moving into their better known Bacchanalian excesses. The only vestige of righteousness is in the modern habit of making New Year's resolutions.

Since ancient times the question "What are you doing New Years Eve ?" has been met with the answer "Dunno". And here we come to the crux of the New Year's Eve problem, The compulsion to have a great time, you must, have fun. But such expectation is the kiss of death for fun. The Scots fire a cannon, Spaniards eat twelve grapes, Filipinos throw coins, Lebanese fire assault rifles, Japanese clean their homes in preparation for toshigami, the New Year's Eve God. With the possible exception of that last one, all of these are great suggestions so have a great night and a happy, healthy and motivated 2009....

But with men, things change too. But some things remain the same.

2008-09-22T01:21:00Z

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 15, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In High School I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency ; she was a drama queen, cried all of the time and threatened suicide, so I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 21 I found a very stable girl, but she was very boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 25 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but without direction. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 26 I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet firmly planted on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser and am now looking for a girl with big breasts.

Happy Birthday Blackbishop

2008-07-24T22:45:37Z

Valavere reminded me-

All this hype about Joe Ratzinger in Sydney last week. His presence is lost to me because of my bad choices and the rejection of Jesus. I think American comedian George Carlin sums it up quite well when he says :- 'Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky - who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place, full of fire, brimstone, smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time ! But he loves you.'

For lovers of words and an Indian mystery solved

2008-06-02T23:29:35Z

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger - then it hit me

Police were called to a day care centre where a 3 year old was resisting a rest

To write with a broken pen is pointless

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that his theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground

A dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is just two tired

A will is a dead givaway

A backward poet writes inverse

A chicken crossing a road - poultry in motion

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key

A calendar's days are numbered

A boiled egg is hard to beat

If you jump off a Paris bridge - you are in Seine

When she first saw grey hairs - she thought she'd dye

Bakers trade bread recipes on a kneed to know basis

Acupunture - a jab well done

**********************

An Indian mystery solved.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Canberra has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman marries she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see if he has won a convenience store, a service station, a kebab shop or a takeaway cafe in Australia.

Robin Williams World Peace Plan.

2008-05-05T01:14:45Z

The Actor Robin Williams recently made a speech where he said, 'I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So here is my plan.'

1. The U.S. will apologise to the World for the 'interference' in their affairs, past and present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein and the rest of the 'good old boys' and we will never interfere again.

2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East and the Philippines. We would station our troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3.All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal. France will welcome them.

4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need more cab drivers or Bi-Low cashiers.

5. No foreign students over age 21. The older ones are bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6. The U.S. will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling for oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing nations $10 a barrel for oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. About a week of the wells filling up their storage sites would be enough.

8. If there is a famine or other natural catastophe in the world, we will not 'interfere'. They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most, get very little, if anything.

9. Ship the U.N. to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The language we speak is English....learn it.....or leave.

Now is'nt that a winner of a plan ?

2008 - Ten thoughts to ponder

2008-01-24T21:40:04Z

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate that one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions, hungry and horny, if he hasn't got an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach him to use the internet & he won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a slinky...Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid in the future, lying in Hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4 - We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you $20 ?

Number 2 - In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 - One cow with mad -cow disease can be located among millions of cows in America, but no one has a clue where millions of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Dept. of Agriculturs in charge of Immigration.

Is yer Dad Home ?

2007-11-30T23:04:37Z

A Queensland farmer got into his ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy about nine opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?" the farmer asked.

"Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied."He went into town"

"Well" said the farmer, "Is your Mum here?"

"No sir, she's not here either, she went into town with Dad"

"How about your brother Greg, is he here ?"

"He went with Mum and Dad"

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for ya ?" the boy asked."I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad"

"Well" said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant"

The boy considered for a moment.

"You have to talk to my Dad about that," he finally conceded.

"If it helps you any, I know Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg.

Older than Dirt quiz.

2007-11-05T00:29:06Z

If you grew up in Australia, just how many of these listed things do you remember ?
Only count the ones that you remember - not the ones you were told about...No cheating !
                                                        **************************

1. Cho Cho bar
2. Drive ins
3. Lolly cigarettes
4. Soft drink machines that only dispensed glass bottles
5. Milk bars with table side juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles and foil stoppers
7. Party line telephones
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. Packards
10. Blue flashbulbs
11. Telephone numbers with two letters and four numbers
12. Wash tub wringer
13. Peashooters
14. 78 RPM records
15. Metal ice trays with a lever
16. Studebakers
17. Craker night
18. Using hand signals driving a car
19. Bread delivered by horse and cart
20. Headlight dimmer switches on the floor
21. Ignition switches on the dashboard
22. Heaters mounted on the inside of a wall
23. Real ice boxes
24. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards
25. Soldering irons you heated up with a blow torch

                                                              ******************************

If you remember        0 to 5           You are still young

                                    6 to 10         You are getting older

                                   11 to 15        Don't tell your age

If you remembered   16 to 25        You're older than dirt

                                                             *******************************

Footnote...With regard to Q. 6... I remember before glass milk bottles when the Milko came every second day with a horse and cart. The milk was unpastuarised in a tank. The Milko had a pint and a quart measure with a hinged lid and mum would come out with a glass jug and beaded doily cover to keep the flys out...any comments ?

Lifeline

2007-10-13T01:47:37Z

I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called Lifeline.

They are obviously trying to keep down costs and I was put through to a 'call centre' in Pakistan

I explained that I was feeling suicidal

They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane .....

Eight white rabbits running free

2007-10-02T21:59:14Z

An Aussie guy is sitting at a bar in New York and looks at his watch several times in a few minutes.
A woman sitting nearby notices this and asks 'Is your date running late?'
'No' he replies, 'I have this state of the art watch, and I was just testing it'.
The intrigued woman says, 'A state of the art watch ? what's so special about it ?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses Alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The woman says,'What's it telling you now?'..'Well it's saying you're not wearing any panties'
The woman smiles and says,'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties'.
The Aussie smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody things running about an hour fast, can I buy you a drink ?'

Yesterday's Sun Herald - have a smile.

2007-09-10T04:30:42Z

An elderly couple are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. "Marsha" the man says, "We've had a wonderful life together. But have you ever been unfaithful to me ?"

"Yes Sydney, I have been. Three times."
"Three times, how could that happen ?"
She replies, "Do you remember the time when we were so broke, that the bank was about to foreclose ? And I went to see the banker and the next day the bank extended our loan ? Well that was one time......
"That's really hard to take" said Sydney. " but things were bad and I forgive you. And the second time ?"
"There was that heart problem you had and we couldn't afford the operation. Right after that I went to see the doctor. He performed the operation at no cost, that was the second time."

" I do understand that you did it out of love for me," says Sydney. "So what was the third time ?" Marsha lowers her head and says : " Remember that time when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 62 more votes ?"

*** In memory of Sydney V. ***

I worked - they paid me

2007-09-04T22:31:50Z

I don't work anymore because after 50 years of working, I am now retired, but my son does. Maybe he has a point here. What do you reckon ?

I work, they pay me.

I pay my taxes and the Government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to earn that pay cheque, working at a mine in the Northern Territory, I am requiured to pass a random urine test ; with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who do not have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a dole cheque because I have to pass one to earn it for them ?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people getting back on their feet. I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sitting on their arse drinking piss and smoking dope.

Can you imagine just how much money the State would save if people had to pass a urine test to receive a public assistance cheque ?

War by Numbers

2007-08-27T02:35:01Z

Published in the Courier Mail Brisbane on 9th January 1934.
Have reprinted it here and updated it as well. A lot has been prophisied by Malaki, mother Shripton and Nostradamus, each has great upheavals of humanity around 12th to 19th May 2013, hope to still be around, could be interesting eh ?
                                                                                                           *******************
                                                                           Zulu war began in 1880 & lasted 1 year to 1881
                                                                           Add separate numbers1,8,8,1, to 1881 and you get 1899.
                                                                           Boer war began in 1899 and lasted 3 years to 1902
                                                                           To 1902 add the separate figures 1,9,0,2, and you get 1914
                                                                           WW1 (the great war) began in 1914 and lasted 4 years to 1918
                                                                           Add separate figures 1,9,1,8, to 1918 and you get 1937

                                                                           WW2 began in 1937 and lasted until 1945
                                                                           Add separate figures 1,9,4,5, to 1945 and you get 1964
                                                                           Vietnam war started in 1964 and lasted until 1972
                                                                           Again add 1,9,7,2, to 1972 and you get 1991

                                                                           1991 the Gulf war started and lasted 1 year to 1992
                                                                           Add 1,9,9,2, to 1992 and you get 2013. What happens then ?

Korea doesn't count as it was not a war, but a police action.
The current invasion of Iraq doesn't count for the same reason.

Scary isn't it ?

Slow Dance

2007-08-26T23:23:09Z

This is a poem written by a young girl in a New York hospital with terminal cancer.
***********************

Have you ever watched kids, on a merry go round
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight ?
Or gazed into the sun into the fading light ?
You had better slow down, don't dance so fast.
Time is short, the music won't last.
Do you run through each day on the fly ?
When you ask 'how are you'? do you hear the reply ?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed ?
With the next hundred chores running through your head ?
You'd better slow down, don't dance so fast
Time is short. The music won't last.
Ever told your child we'll do it tomorrow ?
And in your haste not seen his sorrow ?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die ?
Cause you never had time to call and say 'Hi'
You'd better slow down, don't dance so fast.
Time is short, the music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day
It is like an unopened gift, thrown away.
Life is not a race, do take it slower
Hear the music, before the song is over.
***************************************
Sent by Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Dept. of Developmental & Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue. BRONX, NEW YORK 10461.

Astronomy is looking up

2007-08-19T00:50:02Z

I suppose everyone knows what a blue moon is - well that is when there are two fulls moons in a calander month, the second one is termed 'a blue moon'
Much rarer is a blood moon which many people alive today have never seen. That is until 28th August 2007.
The eastern states are in a box seat so to speak to see a rare full 'blood moon' on 28th August where the moon will appear a vibrant red as Earth's shadow passes over it.
Nick Lomb, curator of astronomy at Sydney Observatory, said lunar eclipses occured about twice a year, but the chance to see one in its entirety from the eastern states was really quite rare.
On the 28th the moon will rise in the east at about 5.22pm and at 6.51 the eclipse will begin with the Earth's shadow starting to block light travelling from the sun to the moon's surface.
The moon which will have red wavelengths from Earth's atmosphere scattered across its surface, will be fully eclipsed from 7.52pm until 9.23pm.
Just thought you would like to know...

Affair with Salulah

2007-08-06T00:40:49Z

Telstra :      How may we help you ?
Customer : I haff big problem with my mobile phone bill. My wife, she think I am having an affair
Telstra :      Okay sir, how can we help you with this ?
Customer : My bill haff all these calls to Salulah and my wife think I haffing an affair with this woman, but I never heard of her before
                     I need to trace these calls please.
Telstra :     I'm sorry sir but the bill won't actually tell you the name of the person you are calling, just the number
Customer :This one does
Telstra :      What phone do you have sir ?
Customer :A mobile. I tell you this
Telstra :     No sir, what make ? what do you have in your hands ?
Customer :An erection
Telstra :     ........................after a moment's silence, the gallant Telstra worker continued........Um sir, could you spell that for me ?
Customer :For sure - E..R..I..C..S..S..O..N. Erection
Telstra :     ........................another moment's silence from Telstra, and suddenly, the penny dropped. Can you spell Salulah for me ?
Customer :For sure - C..E..L..L..U..L..A..R. Salulah.

A man of no mean ability

2007-07-10T01:13:39Z

                                                                                                                                 The Australian Crocodile and Big Game Hunters Club
                                                                                                                                  7 Lysterville Avenue MALVERN VICTORIA.
                                                                                                                                  22 aPRIL 1957.
Mr. T. Cole
28 Cooper Street
STRATHFIELD. N.S.W.

Dear Sir,

               We have received the enclosed letter from a Mr. Charles Ogilivie, with his request that we pass it on to you.

               Mr. Ogilivie appears to be a man of no mean ability !
Yours faithfully

                          A. R. Bentley Hon. Sec.

THE LETTER FORWARDED BY THE CLUB FROM MR. OGILIVIE READS THUS :-

                                                                                                                                      P.O. Box 7 BEVERLY HILLS P.O.
                                                                                                                                      SYDNEY. N.S.W.
                                                                                                                                      April6, 1957
To the Crocodile Hunters Association
7 Lysterville Avenue
MALVERN VICTORIA.

Dear Sirs,

                I hope you will not object to me writing to you and asking you things, when I am not a member of your organisation. I am from Scotland and am one of the most experiencedshotgun and rifle shots that you might meet in most places at any rate. I have had years of fast snapshots with rifle and shotgun and a great deal of shooting out of rowing boats in salt and fresh water by day and by night, because of the specialised technique of aiming I have developed, I can shoot a rifle to kill a target the size of a rabbit at 50 yards in quarter moonlight and less at times without a light at all.
                I have also shot thousands of rabbits up to 70 yards range with a torch at night, I don't see the target in the sights because you haven't got enough light, but when not using a torch I can kill it provided it is in short grass. Iam, or was a few years ago, a first class deer stalker and shot. I am also above average with automatic pistols and various types of machine guns. I am a proficient net fisherman by any standards you like to set. I was an aircraft pilot during the war and am a first class seaman and oarsman.
               By trade I am a carpenter and build any type of flat bottomed boat and design and draw them from personal knowledge. I am not a boat builder although I have built a number (7) of boats. A few years ago I was firing five to seven thousand rounds a year between shotgun and rifle. Then I could usually split a bullet in half on the blade of a kitchen chopper stuck in the ground at 70 yards range from the standing position. I am not sure that I could do it now, but I would be shifting to the side of it more or less.
               I used to shoot an average of 50 to 60 running rabbits weekly, either stalking them up in the long grass or ferreting them. The best I ever did was 107 rabbits picked up from dawn to dusk in one day. I have killed as amny ducks and geese as any living man has ever done. I love boats, nature in the raw, stalking animals, danger and wildness. I am fed up with the dull ignorant people one has to meet in daily life in business but Sydney has been quite good to me. I have above average employment. Most certainly, I cannot complain. I have wondered if I can make more money at shooting crocodiles than carpentry. Do you know anyone I could shoot for to learn about it and see if I liked it before taking it on on my own perhaps. I would imagine it would be foolish to be on your own because the local knowledge takes years to get. I was always able to outshoot all comers to the estuaries, I shot wildfowl because of the great store of local knowledge, I had to for I had to earn my living for some years solely by the sale of wildfowl that I shot. I never allowed anybody o shoot alongside me as other professionals did and get paid for it, I wanted I wanted the big bags of fowl for myself and I got them too, enough to run my house and live on.          I am forty four and 5' 10" and strong and active build.
                Now that you have read all this, I am going to ask you to send this letter to someone I read about in the Sydney Daily Telegraph, New Guinea supplement. He is by far the biggest professional crocodile shooter and exporter in New Guinea. His name is Tom Cole and he used to shoot buffalo in the Nothern Territory for ten years before the last war. If Mr. Tom Cole on receipt of this letter forwarded by your goodselves to him, would care to put up some sort of proposition to me re shooting for him then I might be glad to hear from him.
               He might be able to let me have some idea of how much a week I might average under his direction. If he did want me and his proposition was fair enough it is unlikely that I would like to learn from him and then go off and do it myself.
Yours faithfully, Charles Ogilvie

A man of no mean abitily

2007-07-10T00:21:24Z

                                                                                                                                                                                                 Sigri Plantation
                                                                                                                                                                                                 Banz. NEW GUINEA
                                                                                                                                                                                                 3 September 1957
The Hon. Secretary
Australian Crocodile and Big Game Hunters' Club
Lysterville Avenue
MALVERN. VICTORIA.

Dear Sir,

               I have for acknowledgement your communication dated April 22, enclosing a letter from a Mr Charles Ogilvie.

               I have read Mr Ogilivie's letter closely and although he seems to have omitted any reference to walking on water, as you say, he is a man of no mean ability. However, it is with regret that I cannot help him in the direction he desires as my interests are now principally centred around planting coffee in the Western Highlands of New Guinea.

              Neverless I do feel that he would have a tremendous future as a source of supply of bovine fertilizer, which would have the advantage of being far less dangerous and much more spectacular.

              There would certainly be a very wide scope in this valley for a man with his exceptional output.

              Thanking you for such interesting correspondance.

Yours faithfully,

                             T. E. Cole.

About dogs

2007-06-06T00:59:20Z

Just a few things about Dogs that you may not know about -

The reason that a dog has so many friends, is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to Heaven, and very, very few persons.

If your dog is fat, then you are not getting enough exercise.
My dog is worried that Alpo dog food is up to $3 a can, that's almost $21 in dog money.
Women and cats will do what they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us ? I mean, here we come from the grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think that we are the greatest hunters on earth.
Whilst dogs are not our whole life, they make our lives whole.
If you think that dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.

People on the Corso ( Manley N.S.W.)

2007-05-07T06:35:46Z

Well, I have created a bit of History here..Travelled to Sydney just four days before Easter to spend time with my favourite sister and her husband. You see I love each very much. However the brother in law is so well read, retains the knowledge he reads, spends many hours discussing the finer points of any situation, is a person that can give an informed opinion on most subjects and specialises in a field that one can only feel disadvantaged in offering an opinion at all, apart from being a person who is generous to a fault, any lesser person than the Pope, or maybe Nietzeche would be hard pressed to gain his attention. Still the record of four days with them was a really great experience. The record, for the record, that apart from once, as it was pointed out, my so called stance was not an endearing one toward such a learned person, which I fully acknowledge.

Remembering that as an Apprentice 1 year behind him in 1953, with the N.S.W. Government Railways as our formative approach to working life, in those days we were both Apprentices. It has always been great to be with him, because, you don't have to think. He takes a position, and I automatically take the opposite one, and you know you're right, but still the diaglogue will continue. My former wife holds the record for 5 days, and apart from a burst eardrum afterwards probably only caused by bringing on an already existing ear problem, I do not think can be bettered by anyone alive today.

Still, the four days in Manley were quite stimulating. On the Thursday before Good Friday, we attanded St Matthews Church in Manley, after a good look around I proceeded to the Corso, and had a great fish & chips lunch most of the chips went to the seagulls who invaded my space while I attempted to eat.

The purpose of this posting is to print a poem that was written by a Manley resident m/s Chin Kit Davy and this poem was given to me by the Ladies of St Matthews, Chin is all of 92 years of age. She sits most days at the front of St Matthews or near the Corso. The midday service is of special interest to Chin.

People of the Corso.

All shapes and sizes, different dimentions,One may tell by their gait, some apprehensions,
Of where they are going, or what they may do,Or if just enjoying the whole day through.
Scooters and strollers, bicyles or prams, A charity stall, selling home made jams.
Churchgoers from midday service too,Praying for grace for me and for you.

There's a spirit of wide camaraderie everyone out, all the sights to see,
Whether on strolling along by the beach, or touring shops, there's something for each.
The Corso is forever the heart, the hub of the wheel that plays a part,
In everyone's memory, the young and old, seeking the surf and sands of gold.

People come from all over the world, where alomost every flag is unfurled,
And they wander together in perfect peace, wishing that all the wars would cease.
Chin would call this a perfect blend, of the way all Nations would begin to send,
A pattern of the ultimate Peace, where people and fighting forever cease,

If, and whenever this comes to pass, and toddlers play in flowers and grass,
Set aside amoung buildings tall, where there is harmony among one and all,
Let the Corso be a blueprint here, making the message plain and clear,
People may blend in a humane way, no matter what all the Nations Say.

Chin Kit Davy...

I really think this says it all....comments please...Centreshot

The new Supermarket

2007-04-23T09:32:31Z

We had a new supermarket open near my house and it has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

L.A.T'S (Living apart together)

2007-03-28T02:59:59Z

I have spoken before about L.A.T's. Yes I am one of them. So is Blackbishop. The others who click on to say how well they have coped over two, three or more years is crap.
A very interesting article in last Sunday's Sydney Sun-Herald I think is more on the mark than one could expect

Titled 'Stars say I do' to singledom is in my humble opinion closer to the mark of real life than anything else I have seen or heard for some time. For instance :- Today's young stars have got it all - except a ring on their finger. It's no longer 'I do" it's I don't care.

While desparate to be Housewives soap opera of speculation of young stars like Kylie and Renae fill trashy magazines, many others like Penelope, Kirstan, Scarlett and Cameron just want to spend a few years with someone, then move on.

And why wouldn't they ? With the debris of divorces like Brittany and Jessica littering the streets of the Hollywood Hills, it's hardly surprising.

In Australia last year was recorded the lowest marriage rate since 1851, Today, of the 73% of divorces they had spent years living together. For the first time, unmarried couples outnumber married couples.

No longer do Australian women marry for money, elevation or social status, because today, women are mostly financially independant, now, they are waiting for the perfect love.

This next bit applies particularly to L.A.T.'s. Women falling in love, release endorphins in the body. But no matter how much in love you are with someone, your body can only produce those endorphins for a period of two years or so unless the love is activately consumated from time to time. When women stop getting the endorphin rush, they erronously think that they don't love the person anymore and look somewhere else. It's part of the instant gratification culture that we now live in. They think, 'Why get married when I can just move on?'

To many 21st century women, it's a sport thinking, I don't regret what I have done, it's what I haven't done that worries me.

Having a short soap opera type experience with only a few good episodes is not the basis of a long term relationship...Print this out and take it to Canberra.... good luck.. I'll say it, 3 days to go.... Centreshot...

EYESAW

2007-03-12T06:53:23Z

Does your eye when it's wrapped tight and can't look out, look in ?

While it's not watching others, is it watching you ?

It seems quite strange the way eyes work.

Do they just live a life, all of their own ?

When you're not using them, are they using you ?

And as you close them on the outside,

Do they inward look and sum you up ?

What a disaster if they controlled you and became your master.

Beneath the wrapping it's all aware and doing its own thing.

I'm tempted to remove the pad and let it look out too,

For instead of looking in at me, it will be watching you !

Amazingly simple medical & home remedies

2007-02-14T22:30:43Z

You know, this fills in a few blanks for me. I thought that I was being deceived all these years. No-one ever explained to me why I could remember leaving Kogarah Hospital in 1938 with all of those red lights flashing around, but never how I got there. Now I know that I really am a sociopathic, multi personality disorder schizophrenic........yet I have friends in coats of white......watching.......waiting........day and night.

Medical and Home remedies.

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will almost instantly be removed.

2. Clumsy ? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguements about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer though.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxitives, then you will be too afraid to cough.

7. Have a toothache ? whack your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Chapped lips ? Rub chicken shit on them. It won't ease the chapping, but it will keep you from licking them.

9.Sometimes we need just to remember what the rules of life really are. You only need two tools. WD40 and ducting tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape.

And finally.....Remember, Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. One out of every four people suffer from some sort of mental disorder. Think of your three best friends. If they seem O.K....then....It's you !